Depression, highs and lows.
Depression, it’s a taboo word even for this day. Every now and again I lose my shit as a mother and a wife, it’s makes me think back to my days of depression and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Call it what you want maybe I took my inspiration from my time battling depression in ploughing it into my business to help other parents, or my drive I inherentwd from my inspirational dad about having my own business may have been the power behind the success of Kalma Baby. Either way depression somehow keeps relating back to it.
I suffered from Post Natal depression after the birth of my beautiful boy Tyler my first born. My depression was exasperated by my Fathers terminal illness Cancer at the time. My emotions were just uncontrollable. I guess reminding myself of one the darkest times of my life when I feel like I am loosing my way gives me a sense of comfort. Strange I know but it helps me to feel normal and to reassure myself I have been there done it experienced it and I came out from the other side.
The death of my Father affected me emotionally and physically. Whilst I battled with my emotions of happiness about being pregnant I also was plagued with a huge feeling of sadness knowing my Father was dying, and guilt set in. When we talk about the cycle of life it really is as clear as black and white we are brought into the world and we can simply be taken at any time. I guess he was needed for better things I tell myself. I can never talk about my Father to most without shedding tears and at the time when we found out he had cancer terminally reflecting back on the time I had a over whelming feeling If sadness which makes me just want to cry each day.
Post Natal depression which you can read more about on NHS website here http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Postnataldepression/Pages/Symptoms.asp is what I was diagnosed with after the birth of my first son. Let me tell you depression can strike at any point and it is vital that you recognise the signs. Having experienced it the hardest thing for me was to talk about it and admit to myself and the ones that I loved I had it. I felt ashamed, I felt so low, and I felt like no-one understood what I was feeling. It made me angry everyday, it made me cry everyday and I felt the lowest I had ever. Post Natal depression is more common than we realise affecting 1 in 10 women upto a year after birth. Even men can experience it although that is less common.
A turning point for me amongst other things was getting out of the house. Meeting new parents and generally the accomplished feeling you get when your successful at the most simplest of things was what I felt when I finally left my front door. Baby groups helped me, baby massage and then stemmed from this my love for yoga. The rest they say is history!