We were sat in the car on my in laws drive when the tears came. With them rolling down my face I turned to my husband and said ‘Are we doing the right thing??’ He just laughed and replied ‘well it’s a bit late now!’
We’d just dropped our nearly 6 year old off and we were on our way to hospital for my C section. I was 38 weeks pregnant and today was the day we would meet Baby Number 2. As we left our first born son at their house that day and drove away, he suddenly seemed so tiny. My emotions were all over the place and HUGE. Mostly I felt guilty. Guilty that this was the end of the three of us. Guilty that I could no longer devote all my time to him. Guilty that I was about to bring another baby into the world. During my pregnancy I opened up about my biggest fear and asked people I knew with more than one child how on earth they managed to love another baby as much as the first. It just didn’t seem possible because when I looked at my Son my heart felt like it would burst sometimes. And it turned out lots of them had had that same fear. And one person told me ‘Each baby brings their own love with them, you’ll just end up with more love to go round’. I was skeptical, hence the crying on Baby 2 B-Day, but as my husband helpfully pointed out, it was a bit late anyway.
I broke down again on the way up to the maternity ward. The staff looked sympathetic, I guess they’d seen it all before. But at that moment I didn’t think anyone could understand. Once I was gowned up, I began to calm the guilt and worry as we discussed baby names again. We didn’t know if number 2 was a girl or a boy, so we were talking about if we were sure about choices for both outcomes. We were laughing and joking, my hubby’s go to in stressful situations. A few hours later, it was time and they wheeled me down.
All my breathing and mindfulness techniques from teaching Kalma Mamas came to the fore and the staff commented on how calm I was. And I really was, I felt great. The moment arrived and out came our second Baby Boy to greet us. That moment of overwhelming joy came all over again. It was magical.
I lost a lot of blood after he was born, but the staff team were brilliant and we got back on to recovery with our amazing little boy. He fed and me and hubby both had skin to skin time. Eventually we managed to get back to the post natal ward which meant visitors could come. I’d been really strict with planning the next bit out, so hubby had to go down to the cafe to collect our first born from the cafe where he was waiting with Momar and Ganda.
I can easily say I have never experienced anything like my two boys meeting for the first time and I’m crying writing this. Our eldest came into the room and came over to his baby brother. I could see in his face that he was overwhelmed with his emotions too and his eyes were brimming over with tears. We sat him on the bed and put his brother on his knee for a cuddle. I’ll never forget the way they looked at each other.
And it turned out that person was right. Baby Sonny definitely brought a bucket load more love to our household, more so than I ever thought possible and definitely plenty enough to go around. Their bond is amazing to see, Jude definitely gets the most kisses and cuddles from his baby brother, sometimes we don’t get a look in. So thank you to our first born Jude for telling Daddy to stop being mean and give Mammy just on more of his seeds.
Our little family is complete.